I don't know if I have written a more important message in my life. I want to see the Church healthy , joyful, and strong. Personally, I want Jesus and nothing else. I know that many have said that before me. So if you doubt that I don't blame you. But, there is nothing I wouldn't give, do, or a place I wouldn't go if my Jesus required it. If he wanted me to live in the woods as a hermit. I would be there. If a palace, then call me prince. If I am to be celibate, then celibate I will be. If he wants me to have a harem of erotic sheep and chickens than you can call me Old McLover. I have no affection for religion, traditions, intellectualism, or acceptance. You could never know this about me unless you knew me personally. Most will never get to know me this way. It is true though and I welcome any who love Jesus to come share my life and see that he is my hearts only desire.
I said all this because modern "churches" are usually built around some person or small group of persons that have created a doctrine to massage their own insecurities or egos. What you will read here is not that. This is the message the Holy Spirit has given me in these last days. He is calling His True and Faithful out from among them. The world has tarnished our light and brilliance by proximity for too long. He desires us to be in the world, but not of the world. To be a city set on a hill or a lamp on a stand. I know this is also the desire on many of your hearts. We can all sense that something isn't right though. Most of us started out in the Body one way or another as children or teenagers. It probably began for most with passion, faith, and enrapturedness. Then, as we tried more and more to walk out the Gospel as our leaders told us we became disheartened, and disillusioned. The promises of the Word didn't follow though like we were told they should. Our leaders turned out to be no better than their follower, if they even measured up to be their followers.
We are so used to feeling this way that we have created entire new doctrines to cope with the inadequacies of our churches, leaders, and fellow believers. New standards, undefeatable grace, and mental rewriting of the very words that we claim to save us is what it takes to make it work. It is not supposed to be this way. It doesn't have to be. The Lord has shown me a life that bathes in all the power, confidence, and joy that the apostles and their disciples did. There is a life that not only feels true, it's power is evident and addictive. I used to follow the doctrine I was told because I could see that the world was false. That was obvious. The Word didn't quite add up to what it should have though. It seemed flawed at times. Powerless to help me when I needed it most. I convinced myself that these were just the thoughts of a young, immature believer. I saw how confidently the leaders strutted and how loudly they spoke their truth and couldn't bring myself to call them liars and pretenders when I didn't have a better answer to the problem.
But then something happened that change me forever. I spoke with Jesus. I actually spoke with Him. I can not come close to describing how this actually happened or what it was really like. There are no words. It wasn't a vision, a dream, or even in this world. It was with my spirit. I now know that a person's spirit is as much a "body" as the body it resides in; it sees, it hears, it speaks, and it feels. I was deep in worship with friends of mine when he showed up. We had been praying and singing for hours when I felt him approaching. It was like being in the woods when you feel an animal is near. You can not see it or really hear it . You just sense it somewhere deep inside you that your are not alone. That is the closest I can get to the feeling. And then there He was. I saw him, heard him, felt him with my spirit. I communed with him. I can't tell you what he looked like, sounded like, or felt like. Humans sense are to this experience as a pencil sketch is to ascending Mt. Everest. But my spirit knows and testifies to my mind about it if that makes any sense at all.
I have said all this in hopes that you would understand that when I say something isn't genuine that it isn't because I can tell you what is wrong with it, but that I have tasted the genuine and know the difference with a complexity that I am inadequate to describe. But I do know this without a shred of doubt in my heart. The Church is the Bride and Body of Christ. As such, it contains the real Jesus. If I taste of the Church, I taste the Jesus I know. He is surpassingly good and no counterfeit can replace him. If I taste the Church and do not taste the Jesus I know, I know that it is not genuine. The things I am going to say about Church as we know it do not come from a logical exercise or systematic theology. They are not my own ego or vision for the way I want things to be. I have tasted the Lord and he is so, so good. I want everyone of you to feast on him with me. I want you to see the filth the Enemy and his agents have been feeding us for longer than humanity remembers. Jesus have mercy. Open their eyes that they could truly see, open their ears that they would know your voice, open their mouths, rinse and cleanse them, so that they can taste your goodness. Please Savior, save us from ourselves.
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